Addressing the Black Gender War Part 1 - The Neglect of the Emotional Needs of Black Men
Disclaimer: These are my opinions that I have concluded through observation, research and experience. I am aware that this does not apply to every black person, we are all different. With that being said i'm going to jump right in.
In this post I am specifically attempting to understand black men and I am urging my black sister's to understand that black men are not encouraged to address their emotional needs, yet we want them to be emotionally available to us in relationships. This is just something to think about...
Best believe I will be addressing black men about the needs of black women in another post =]
I’m not sure if people are aware that there is currently a gender war going on between black men and women on the internet. It’s actually sickening to see black men and women play into stereotypes created by our oppressors. I have seen so much negativity that has even spilled over to my Instagram and Facebook pages. Black men and women calling each other out their names and putting each other down publicly, while claiming they are speaking “the truth”. Whether something is true or not, communicating in a toxic and disrespectful way won’t ever get you anywhere. You don’t EVER see any other race of people publicly put down their own like we do. My only logical explanation of why this is happening is that we as a people are seeking something, but have not found a healthy way to express our needs.
Stop pointing fingers.
Pray, encourage, have compassion and walk in love.
As a black woman I found it necessary to at least try and understand what my black brother's were actually saying. From doing this I realized that traditionally women of all races are protected by men, and women are seen as fragile and emotional creatures. Whereas men are the protectors and often don't have protection themselves. Men are usually viewed as logical creatures, that are supposed to have the tools to provide and make decisions. These same principles apply to black people in America, but the problem is that the experience of black men is vastly different than men of any other race.
I have been following this “war” for a couple of months now. I have read articles, watched YouTube videos, stalked Instagram pages and lurked in many people’s comment sections. As I attempted to listen to the men’s point of view, I realized that not only are black men emotionally affected by the general trauma of being black and the systems that are in place in this society. I found that relational trauma seems to be what people often don’t address when it comes to black men. Why aren't the emotional needs of black males addressed? Why are we so hard on men in general?
If their needs aren't addressed how are they supposed to function and thrive in this society?
Something I realized is that...
I have been following this “war” for a couple of months now. I have read articles, watched YouTube videos, stalked Instagram pages and lurked in many people’s comment sections. As I attempted to listen to the men’s point of view, I realized that not only are black men emotionally affected by the general trauma of being black and the systems that are in place in this society. I found that relational trauma seems to be what people often don’t address when it comes to black men. Why aren't the emotional needs of black males addressed? Why are we so hard on men in general?
If their needs aren't addressed how are they supposed to function and thrive in this society?
Something I realized is that...
Boys are shown how to be men, and girls are taught/told how to be women.
It has been scientifically proven that boys and girls learn differently. Girls naturally retain knowledge verbally and boys naturally learn visually. About 67% of black children are born into single parent households, and most of the time the single parent is the mother.
This made me realize that if there is no true example in the home for young black boys to learn from, how exactly are they really expected to grow into mature men prepared for this cruel world?
This isn’t saying that it is impossible to do so, but it seems that naturally the odds are not in their favor. The promotion of traditional gender roles automatically add an immense amount of pressure on men to pursue, provide, protect and remain strong. This pressure can affect them whether they were raised with a father in the home or not.
Vulnerability is not encouraged and is often seen as a weakness due to toxic masculinity.
My whole point is that how can we continue to publicly shame our men when most of them have been failed? Black people got it way too hard out here to have time to play into more negativity.
Most of the things that we complain about as black people are out of our control. Bashing each other only creates MORE division. I hope people realize that sometimes people just suck no matter what race they are...
I hope more black women realize that just like we are affected by not having our fathers, or even by emotional trauma... black men are too.
Black women are begging and pleading to be regarded, respected and PROTECTED by men that are often emotionally neglected and left with unhealed wounds.
Where do we go from here?
I can’t say that I have all of the answers but the first step is realizing that we are ALL messed up. Not just black men. Not just black women. Both of us have been failed. Both of us have felt neglect.
Both of us are affected by racism.
It has been scientifically proven that boys and girls learn differently. Girls naturally retain knowledge verbally and boys naturally learn visually. About 67% of black children are born into single parent households, and most of the time the single parent is the mother.
This made me realize that if there is no true example in the home for young black boys to learn from, how exactly are they really expected to grow into mature men prepared for this cruel world?
This isn’t saying that it is impossible to do so, but it seems that naturally the odds are not in their favor. The promotion of traditional gender roles automatically add an immense amount of pressure on men to pursue, provide, protect and remain strong. This pressure can affect them whether they were raised with a father in the home or not.
Vulnerability is not encouraged and is often seen as a weakness due to toxic masculinity.
My whole point is that how can we continue to publicly shame our men when most of them have been failed? Black people got it way too hard out here to have time to play into more negativity.
Most of the things that we complain about as black people are out of our control. Bashing each other only creates MORE division. I hope people realize that sometimes people just suck no matter what race they are...
I hope more black women realize that just like we are affected by not having our fathers, or even by emotional trauma... black men are too.
Black women are begging and pleading to be regarded, respected and PROTECTED by men that are often emotionally neglected and left with unhealed wounds.
Where do we go from here?
I can’t say that I have all of the answers but the first step is realizing that we are ALL messed up. Not just black men. Not just black women. Both of us have been failed. Both of us have felt neglect.
Both of us are affected by racism.
Stop pointing fingers.
Pray, encourage, have compassion and walk in love.
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