Op-Ed: The Truth About Being a Fat Dark Skinned Black Woman in America
Disclaimer: This will not be depressing. This may be surprising to many but, I am not insecure, broken, nor seeking attention. Contrary to popular belief, I love myself. I love myself from the inside out and I am gentle with myself. This has taken years of encouragement, self-realizations, prayer, and therapy. I am simply sharing my experiences and the daunting realities of this society, with the intent to educate those who often misunderstand the experiences of a person like me.
I want to start this op-ed by introducing myself. My name is Karyn Lee, I am 25 years old, I'm a Communications graduate student attending Johns Hopkins University, and I am currently attempting to stay afloat during one of the deadliest pandemics in human history. I hold a bachelor's degree in English from Holy Names University and a whole lot of common sense. One thing that I didn't mention is that I am fat, I am unambiguously Black, and I am a woman. You may be asking yourself, how is that even relevant? Well, I often wonder why my race, skin tone, gender, and size are relevant as well. The truth is that it shouldn't be, but in this world that we live in; it is.
This reality affects the way that I am treated by those in and outside of my race. It also affects the opportunities that come my way, and it often has the power to affect how I feel about myself. I was inspired to write this op-ed because I often speak my truth, and I find that I am misunderstood by many. Recently I wrote a social media post that stated that I am often overlooked and treated differently due to my appearance. The post was directly related to my experience with doing music, but the truth is this is something that I face in every area of my life. From school, family members, and experiences with strangers. I find that when I share my experiences or the way I feel about my experiences I am labeled as overly sensitive, difficult, insecure, and anxious. Why can't it ever be that I am simply AWARE?
I am always very surprised about the comments and responses that I get that always assume that I think that I am unattractive instead of acknowledging it's the world we live in and the systems that are in place that allow for others to deem that I am unworthy, unattractive, and sometimes not worthy of simple human decency. I know for a fact that I have experienced certain things because of my appearance and that's all it was. I have been ignored and called out of my name more times than I can count. I am transparent with the hopes of possibly helping others who may feel like I do, I want them to know that they aren't alone. Sometimes people can suck and it's OK to feel how you feel. I also post with the intent of shedding light on a topic that is often swept under the rug. But I realize now that many people don't understand the things that I share because this is a hard topic to talk about. Acknowledging that we live in a shallow world that judges others simply based on how they look can be hard to grip, especially because most of us play into these realities.
Many will respond to this op-ed and say: GET OVER IT, lose weight, or even LOVE YOURSELF. Ask yourself, is it easy to get over a trauma? Have you ever experienced trauma? Trauma is defined as "a deeply distressing or disturbing experience". Constantly being discriminated against is a traumatic thing to face. Just like any other trauma, everyone deals with their experiences differently. While one person may be able to learn to love themselves through being told their worthless countless times, another may commit suicide. Some may even ignore the experience altogether. Furthermore, some of these things can't be changed. This op-ed is specifically addressing the collective experience of all of these entities.
Back to the main subject at hand. To automatically assume that someone doesn't love themselves is quite rude. It is also rude to assume that someone may have an eating disorder because of their size. These are just a couple of examples of the things that I often hear when I share my experiences. I am urging the readers of this op-ed to listen to others with compassion and learn to not dismiss the experiences of others simply because you can't relate. It is also common for those who CAN relate and have experienced similar traumas to be dismissive as well. They may feel that if they got over it, you should too. Remember… Everyone is DIFFERENT.
Being overweight, Black, dark-skinned, and a woman are intersecting terms, which means that each separate entity has its systems of disadvantages and discrimination. Think of it as a Venn diagram, they are all separate but can be connected. To accurately understand the experience of an overweight, dark-skinned Black woman we must first define what it means to be Black, dark-skinned, overweight, and a woman separately in this society.
The Black Experience: The slave Trade of African's in America dates back to the 1500s. European colonizers brought African's to America for free labor to improve economic conditions. This means that while Black's worked for free, whites profited and built empires that are still standing today. The Black experience in America was built on slavery, and in many ways, we are still not free. After slavery was abolished, Black Americans faced many discriminations in each era from Jim Crow to the Civil Rights Movement. Black's continuously fought for their rights and often only made little to no progress. This is unfortunately still the reality for Black people in America. We are victims of systemic racism and oppression.
Being Dark Skinned/Colorism: Similar to the Black experience, colorism stems from slavery as well. The idea of being closer to white was appealing for various reasons. The main reason being that most African American's simply wanted to be free. Not only did lighter Black people get treated better by White slave owners, but they were seen as more worthy and attractive by fellow Black American's as well. It is obvious that Black people simply adopted the ideals that were fed to them by the White man. Unfortunately, this is something that is still relevant in today's time. Whitewashing in the media is something that continues to happen. Stereotypes about blacks based on their skin tones is also an issue. Black men seem to prefer the lighter complected woman and dark-skinned women are often portrayed as unattractive, angry, and difficult. Blacks have been brainwashed to feed into the idea that being lighter is more attractive, which simply isn't true. This is an issue that only serves as a tool of division within the Black community.
Being Overweight: The stigma of carrying extra weight in America is a social issue and can present itself as a health issue as well. To be frank, people hate fat people. People are less likely to respect fat people and more likely to bully or ignore them. Being fat is seen as a medical problem, a flaw, and a curse. It's one of the most obvious flaws that one can have. The truth is that as human's our weight fluctuates from simply living life. The truth is that our weight, just like our height or race is something that makes us different. From women giving birth to a child to someone having a medical issue causing them to gain weight, it's a natural part of life. Some people have eating disorders and some people will never be a size 2 due to their genetic makeup. The idea that someone is unattractive because they carry a certain amount of weight stems from people simply having a lack of empathy, understanding, and knowledge. It is also a way of categorizing people for the sake of a system of hierarchy. Because of this, the idea that being fat is unattractive is perpetuated in the media. Being unhealthy is often synonymous with being unattractive. Many overweight people do have health issues, and that can bring up many risks and concerns, but many do not. Does this mean that they aren't worthy of love, respect, and opportunities?
Being a Woman: Being a woman in America comes with its many struggles. Many issues present themselves like only being seen as a sexual object, the wage gap, and being seen as weaker than men. Throughout history, women have had to fight for their rights and voices to be heard. The Women's suffrage movement was a long fight for women to simply earn the right to vote in America. Women finally earned the right to vote in 1920. That was only 100 years ago… Can you imagine not being able to work? Can you imagine having to be overly conscious of your body and appearance? Can you imagine only being seen as someone to cook, clean, and have children? This was and still is the experience for many women in this country.
Now that I have broken everything down separately. Combine all of those experiences. I deal with every one of those issues and the discrimination that comes with it. So, when I'm sharing my frustrations and experiences, please understand that it is very real. Please understand that I am STRONG, and I am pushing through. It's OK, to tell the truth. It's OK to have a healthy dialogue about the human experience. We must do so to grow. Let's educate each other on our experiences so we can be better to each other.
The main issue at hand here is that people need to simply learn to treat people better. These are systemic issues that are perpetuated over and over again in the media. We must learn to not be dismissive of the experiences of others. We must learn to not assume and simply LISTEN to others. We often are quick to try and give solutions instead of simply acknowledging someone's truth. If someone's experiences resonate with you or even sparks a particular emotion within you, think before you speak. The goal should always be; How can I be a better person? How can I ensure that I don't make someone feel like this person is describing how they feel? We have a long way to go in this world, and some things may never change. However, we can always work to better ourselves.
Many will respond to this op-ed and say: GET OVER IT, lose weight, or even LOVE YOURSELF. Ask yourself, is it easy to get over a trauma? Have you ever experienced trauma? Trauma is defined as "a deeply distressing or disturbing experience". Constantly being discriminated against is a traumatic thing to face. Just like any other trauma, everyone deals with their experiences differently. While one person may be able to learn to love themselves through being told their worthless countless times, another may commit suicide. Some may even ignore the experience altogether. Furthermore, some of these things can't be changed. This op-ed is specifically addressing the collective experience of all of these entities.
Back to the main subject at hand. To automatically assume that someone doesn't love themselves is quite rude. It is also rude to assume that someone may have an eating disorder because of their size. These are just a couple of examples of the things that I often hear when I share my experiences. I am urging the readers of this op-ed to listen to others with compassion and learn to not dismiss the experiences of others simply because you can't relate. It is also common for those who CAN relate and have experienced similar traumas to be dismissive as well. They may feel that if they got over it, you should too. Remember… Everyone is DIFFERENT.
Being overweight, Black, dark-skinned, and a woman are intersecting terms, which means that each separate entity has its systems of disadvantages and discrimination. Think of it as a Venn diagram, they are all separate but can be connected. To accurately understand the experience of an overweight, dark-skinned Black woman we must first define what it means to be Black, dark-skinned, overweight, and a woman separately in this society.
The Black Experience: The slave Trade of African's in America dates back to the 1500s. European colonizers brought African's to America for free labor to improve economic conditions. This means that while Black's worked for free, whites profited and built empires that are still standing today. The Black experience in America was built on slavery, and in many ways, we are still not free. After slavery was abolished, Black Americans faced many discriminations in each era from Jim Crow to the Civil Rights Movement. Black's continuously fought for their rights and often only made little to no progress. This is unfortunately still the reality for Black people in America. We are victims of systemic racism and oppression.
Being Dark Skinned/Colorism: Similar to the Black experience, colorism stems from slavery as well. The idea of being closer to white was appealing for various reasons. The main reason being that most African American's simply wanted to be free. Not only did lighter Black people get treated better by White slave owners, but they were seen as more worthy and attractive by fellow Black American's as well. It is obvious that Black people simply adopted the ideals that were fed to them by the White man. Unfortunately, this is something that is still relevant in today's time. Whitewashing in the media is something that continues to happen. Stereotypes about blacks based on their skin tones is also an issue. Black men seem to prefer the lighter complected woman and dark-skinned women are often portrayed as unattractive, angry, and difficult. Blacks have been brainwashed to feed into the idea that being lighter is more attractive, which simply isn't true. This is an issue that only serves as a tool of division within the Black community.
Being Overweight: The stigma of carrying extra weight in America is a social issue and can present itself as a health issue as well. To be frank, people hate fat people. People are less likely to respect fat people and more likely to bully or ignore them. Being fat is seen as a medical problem, a flaw, and a curse. It's one of the most obvious flaws that one can have. The truth is that as human's our weight fluctuates from simply living life. The truth is that our weight, just like our height or race is something that makes us different. From women giving birth to a child to someone having a medical issue causing them to gain weight, it's a natural part of life. Some people have eating disorders and some people will never be a size 2 due to their genetic makeup. The idea that someone is unattractive because they carry a certain amount of weight stems from people simply having a lack of empathy, understanding, and knowledge. It is also a way of categorizing people for the sake of a system of hierarchy. Because of this, the idea that being fat is unattractive is perpetuated in the media. Being unhealthy is often synonymous with being unattractive. Many overweight people do have health issues, and that can bring up many risks and concerns, but many do not. Does this mean that they aren't worthy of love, respect, and opportunities?
Being a Woman: Being a woman in America comes with its many struggles. Many issues present themselves like only being seen as a sexual object, the wage gap, and being seen as weaker than men. Throughout history, women have had to fight for their rights and voices to be heard. The Women's suffrage movement was a long fight for women to simply earn the right to vote in America. Women finally earned the right to vote in 1920. That was only 100 years ago… Can you imagine not being able to work? Can you imagine having to be overly conscious of your body and appearance? Can you imagine only being seen as someone to cook, clean, and have children? This was and still is the experience for many women in this country.
Now that I have broken everything down separately. Combine all of those experiences. I deal with every one of those issues and the discrimination that comes with it. So, when I'm sharing my frustrations and experiences, please understand that it is very real. Please understand that I am STRONG, and I am pushing through. It's OK, to tell the truth. It's OK to have a healthy dialogue about the human experience. We must do so to grow. Let's educate each other on our experiences so we can be better to each other.
The main issue at hand here is that people need to simply learn to treat people better. These are systemic issues that are perpetuated over and over again in the media. We must learn to not be dismissive of the experiences of others. We must learn to not assume and simply LISTEN to others. We often are quick to try and give solutions instead of simply acknowledging someone's truth. If someone's experiences resonate with you or even sparks a particular emotion within you, think before you speak. The goal should always be; How can I be a better person? How can I ensure that I don't make someone feel like this person is describing how they feel? We have a long way to go in this world, and some things may never change. However, we can always work to better ourselves.
good one.
ReplyDelete